This is water.

Your life does not lie in the hands of the people around you or in the situation you happen to find yourself in at this moment. You are not a victim of your circumstances, but rather a powerful being with a choice. The question is: do you allow every ripple of the sea that is life turn you upside-down? Or can you find peace, knowing there is an ocean of calm beneath the surface of your life situation?

You can't count on people to treat you well, or for the universe to always hand you the cards that you want. You need to find a place inside of yourself, where the ever changing ebb and flow of life does not dictate your fundamental sense of peace. Practice peace, and peacefulness will come your way. Practice love, mindfulness, gratitude...and this is what your life will be made up of. You are an ocean of love. Stop treading water and enjoy the swim.

I love you.



-from Rachel Brathen

My Happiness Project (revisited...)

"I'm a firm believer that evolving and changing your mind and following your dreams is the best way to live." Wiser word have never been spoken, Kara Haput. (ps, she's the mastermind behind ijustmightexplode.com)

It makes me thankful for my ever-changing mind, but it also makes me think. I like to consider myself a "Jane of All Trades", aka I cannot and will not ever make up my mind about anything. I have thousands of ideas floating around in my head of what I can be and where I can go with my life, but I can't seem to get it together. Whether it be this blog, my career choice, my education, or the color of my room, I cannot find one thing that I want to stick with...forever. Maybe I just haven't experienced that one thing yet, maybe I never will and I'll spend my life searching for it. I was talking to my sister about this recently, and she flat out said "...but Kate, no one is completely fulfilled with what they do for a living, that's what hobbies are for." Ar first, I scoffed at her. No Jessica, I WILL be 100% satisfied with my life and my career. Obviously. But now that I'm thinking more about it, is what she said true? Will I have to work 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet, and not absolutely love what I'm doing? Will I have to force myself to enjoy what I do in order to justify my self-worth? How can I fit in all of my passions and goals, while still having time to get (my absolutely necessary) 8 hours of sleep? Am I starting to sound insane...?

I like art, I like studying art history, I like photography, I like the internet, I like writing, I want to further my design education, I don't like being forced to do things, I like animals, I like long summers at my beach house with the love of my life, I love working with children, I like being in school, I like traveling, I like yoga, I like being healthy. I can keep going, but I'm sure no one cares. Now, I guess what really matters when thinking about my future is what is important to me? Do I want summers off and freelance hair/design? Do I want to dive deeper into design, spend more money on school just to be on the grind at a bigwig ad agency? What will provide me with the most overall potential happiness? These are questions only I can answer, but for now I'll continue to do what makes me happy every day, and if something isn't doin' it for me, I'll keep searching.

I hate to say this, because I know everything in my past has shaped who I am today, but I wish I could go back and think more about my life and myself. I didn't do any soul searching back when you're "supposed to". I didn't have goals. I went through the motions with the thought that life would just come together at some point, no worries. Now here I am, 26 years old and confused as hell. Oh, life.

Making the best of it

...or at least trying to. The last 7 weeks of my life here at beauty school have been, hmm, maybe the longest of my life. I feel like my time spent in hell-hole beauty school has opened my eyes and mind, reminding me to soak up all the goodness that exists in my life. I have it good, if not great. Yes, I am plagued with the occasional overdrawn bank account, or PMS crying spells, but I have such an amazing support system and I don't think about that enough. As a part of my happiness project, I vowed to keep a gratitude journal, but unfortunately I was more excited about the idea of buying a new journal and pens than I was about actually keeping track of happy things. I didn't get to the second day. I am constantly defeating myself and then cleaning up the pieces with a crazy set of new goals. I just want to do things that make me happy, and do them with love. Once I figure out how to balance my life I will be able to be 100% completely and utterly happy and fulfilled.



I wrote this post 2 days before Hurricane Sandy hit and made pea soup of my beloved home.  I don't want to get too emotional about everything (we ALL know the devastation that has happened), but I'm not looking forward to seeing the state of my island.  My complaints about beauty school don't matter now, I can only seem to think about the fact that there is probably sand covering my bed...if my bed is even there.  No one is allowed on LBI until they notify us the gas leaks have ceased, and even then, only one car with a residency card is allowed.  One car full of people to help rebuild my home. It's such an eye-opener to realize that all of your possessions can just disappear in the blink of an eye.  I am so narrow minded to think otherwise.

I am so thankful for everything and everyone I do have in my life, and I will make sure to tell myself that every day from here on out.

Photo taken at 103rd St. beach, Beach Haven, NJ. July 2012.

If anyone would like to help the recovery of the Jersey Shore (not Snookie and her orange guido baby) but the real Jersey Shore, here are a few places to go to see what can be done:
www.redcross.org/hurricane_aid
http://www.use.salvationarmy.org/use/www_use_nj.nsf
http://www.habitat.org

And of course, New Jersey is not the only area affected.  I don't even have words to express the sadness in my gut right now. Everything will be okay.

You have to start somewhere..right?

This is going to be step one to make my life a little bit more do-able. For me. Not really for anyone else (although I do have plenty of little lovebugs for whom I care deeply about) but my emotional stability has not really been up to par lately, and for that my dear friends and family – I am sorry.  Wait, who am I kidding?  For ME I am sorry.  Dear self, please forgive me.  I know I have abused you greatly in the past year.  Not only with arguably excessive amounts of alcohol and little sleep, but with emotions gone wild.  These emotions have been far more intense than a kick ass hangover, and I’m on the mission to stop the question if I am actually bipolar.  One can only break down into hysterics so many times a day.  I’m starting off this positive-life kick in lieu of never having to commute into Manhattan EVER again on a regular basis, and I can’t fully express the joy in that statement.  It doesn’t even seem real yet.  One day though, it will hit me square in the face and I will realize that I can now be the happiest little girl on the planet Earth.

I’m getting older, and that means adult responsibilities (and night cream, because no one wants wrinkles. I heard you should start Botox in your 20s…) But anyway, people do great things every day and I sit around and organize my closet more times than human should. I think what I’m unintentionally making my way toward is a bucket list.  Is that melodramatic?  I immediately call to mind an uncomfortably older Jack Nicholson, and I obviously prefer to have thoughts about that man in his hay day – which of course would be a studly 40-something in The Shining.  Oh lord, please help me.  Anyway, here we go…

Do yoga at least 5 times a week. I used to be so active.  What happened? Oh wait, I know, life happened.  I got older, I got (a lot) lazier, and my body is saying ‘fuck you, you don’t deserve to look this good anymore’ and is finally giving me the boot. My temple (Skinny Bitch, anyone?) is kicking me out, and I’m not ready to leave.

Read more books.  Even if it’s Chelsea Handler – don’t judge me.

Drink my coffee black.  Why, you ask? I have no explanation for you, besides the fact that my boyfriend thinks it’s one of the most offensive things ever to drink coffee with milk and sugar.  Reason enough for me.

Spend more time with friends. It’s 8:15 am and I just got a message from my b-to the eff-eff saying “Soljah Boy just came on my iPod shuffle (RIP Steve Jobs.  Apple was not one of my favorite part-time jobs in college but hey, I really like my iPhone, iPod, and MacBook!) it reminded me of Florida”. Keep in mind we are nearly twenty six years old.  We don’t listen to Soljah Boy, never really did, and Florida was a vacation that happened about four years ago.  We also have occasional text messages where we only speak in Emoji icons, and that has me hysterical for hours.  It’s the little things…

Stop being a bitch.  Do I need to elaborate? I don’t think so.  I think I should publicly apologize to everyone I come into contact with on a daily basis.  I'm a brat and I’m sorry.  And you better believe, I’m that little bratty kid that would rather sit in the corner and pout than sucker up to the fact that what he/she did was wrong.  Two words.  Is it that difficult?  For me, yes.  But, hello! I’m trying.  I put it on my new to-do list, so that means it has to happen.

This is getting far too long to be an enjoyable read.  Last goal – Stop being so extensive and unrestrained with this blog.  Quit while you’re ahead.  Word count – 659.

Jerseylicious...? I hope not.

I'm starting my journey (over) of becoming a licensed hairstylist.  This time in New Jersey.  I am the queen of coming up with an idea - usually something way too over the top and not by any means practical - and just running with it.  100% of the time I have no idea of what will happen in the end. My last bright idea after graduating college was to move to New York and become a famous hairstylist.  Actually, I didn't even care to be famous, I just wanted to move to New York and do what I loved.  I lasted through the 8 month program, getting on a bus at 7am every morning, commuting during one of the most brutal winters, and surprisingly, I loved every minute of it.  I graduated at the top of my class, and immediately got a highly respected job at my dream salon.  After a few months of 13 hour days, bus passes that were more money than my paycheck, and utter exhaustion, I became overwhelmed with what I had come to know as "real life". I accepted defeat and gave up. I came back to New Jersey with no clue how I'd move on to the next step.  I still wanted to do hair, which was obviously not going to happen in New York, but my pride would NEVER allow me to re-enroll in hair school in New Jersey.  I went to the fashion capital of the world for a reason people.

Well now, more than a year later, I look back and laugh at myself, because I am currently going to cosmetology school in Central New Jersey. I am trying to be a responsible 26 year old -cough- adult -cough-, but I feel as though I've lost any and all morals/standards I've held for myself throughout my entire life.  I've thought about going back to New York, I've interviewed at salons, I've even convinced myself that I wanted to be back in the city.  Who am I kidding? I hate the commute.  I hate that it's always 20 degrees hotter in Manhattan.  I hate that it smells like garbage pretty much everywhere you go. I hate relying on public transportation to get to work on time.  I hate being shoulder to shoulder with sweaty people. I think I just hate working in the city. I want to be able to enjoy my time spent there, and unless I hit the lottery, I will never be able to live comfortably in New York.  I'll save Manhattan for happy day trips to museums, and special occasion dates at yummy restaurants.

More or less, I might just be complaining about my existence for the next 7 weeks, and this is my apology in advance.

I hope I didn't offend any fellow New Jersians with this post.  Oh, who am I kidding, I don't really care.