This is water.

Your life does not lie in the hands of the people around you or in the situation you happen to find yourself in at this moment. You are not a victim of your circumstances, but rather a powerful being with a choice. The question is: do you allow every ripple of the sea that is life turn you upside-down? Or can you find peace, knowing there is an ocean of calm beneath the surface of your life situation?

You can't count on people to treat you well, or for the universe to always hand you the cards that you want. You need to find a place inside of yourself, where the ever changing ebb and flow of life does not dictate your fundamental sense of peace. Practice peace, and peacefulness will come your way. Practice love, mindfulness, gratitude...and this is what your life will be made up of. You are an ocean of love. Stop treading water and enjoy the swim.

I love you.



-from Rachel Brathen

My Happiness Project (revisited...)

"I'm a firm believer that evolving and changing your mind and following your dreams is the best way to live." Wiser word have never been spoken, Kara Haput. (ps, she's the mastermind behind ijustmightexplode.com)

It makes me thankful for my ever-changing mind, but it also makes me think. I like to consider myself a "Jane of All Trades", aka I cannot and will not ever make up my mind about anything. I have thousands of ideas floating around in my head of what I can be and where I can go with my life, but I can't seem to get it together. Whether it be this blog, my career choice, my education, or the color of my room, I cannot find one thing that I want to stick with...forever. Maybe I just haven't experienced that one thing yet, maybe I never will and I'll spend my life searching for it. I was talking to my sister about this recently, and she flat out said "...but Kate, no one is completely fulfilled with what they do for a living, that's what hobbies are for." Ar first, I scoffed at her. No Jessica, I WILL be 100% satisfied with my life and my career. Obviously. But now that I'm thinking more about it, is what she said true? Will I have to work 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet, and not absolutely love what I'm doing? Will I have to force myself to enjoy what I do in order to justify my self-worth? How can I fit in all of my passions and goals, while still having time to get (my absolutely necessary) 8 hours of sleep? Am I starting to sound insane...?

I like art, I like studying art history, I like photography, I like the internet, I like writing, I want to further my design education, I don't like being forced to do things, I like animals, I like long summers at my beach house with the love of my life, I love working with children, I like being in school, I like traveling, I like yoga, I like being healthy. I can keep going, but I'm sure no one cares. Now, I guess what really matters when thinking about my future is what is important to me? Do I want summers off and freelance hair/design? Do I want to dive deeper into design, spend more money on school just to be on the grind at a bigwig ad agency? What will provide me with the most overall potential happiness? These are questions only I can answer, but for now I'll continue to do what makes me happy every day, and if something isn't doin' it for me, I'll keep searching.

I hate to say this, because I know everything in my past has shaped who I am today, but I wish I could go back and think more about my life and myself. I didn't do any soul searching back when you're "supposed to". I didn't have goals. I went through the motions with the thought that life would just come together at some point, no worries. Now here I am, 26 years old and confused as hell. Oh, life.

Holy goals.

I don't particularly like to set public goals for myself, or even personal ones, for that matter.  I somehow never seem to keep up with them, and before I know it I'm looking back on the past 4 weeks and haven't made any progress.  I usually start strong, but I'm quickly overwhelmed and just turn my attention elsewhere.  I always have had HUGE aspirations for myself - which can be a good and a bad thing.  I always put too much on my plate at once and that somehow leads to the looming thought of unattainability, and I give up.

I'm about halfway done reading The Happiness Project, and from the minute I opened the first page, I knew I needed to start something of my own.  I made it a point to try not to copycat the author, knowing everyone's happiness is based on different facets of life.  It was a struggle reading and not doing, but now I'm at the point where I can read a bit, live my life with new realizations, and then come up with ideas for myself.  I'm still waiting until I'm done with the book, to go back read my notes (yes, I take notes and highlight even for pleasure reads.  I'm an excellent researcher thanks to those long college years...)  But I'm excited to get the ball rolling on making ME happy, and according to Gretchen Rubin, making yourself happy in turn makes those around you happy.  See, I have learned something.

To make a, well, long story even longer... the mister and I had a mini-goal of getting our lazy butts to the gym more often.  We are the complete opposite of anyone you'd see at the gym, but Planet Fitness has a no judge policy, so why the hell not.  It's been about 3 months, and though I will apprehensively say I have not been as diligent on my end, I can't believe I've gotten there as many times as I did.  And it all paid off because I ran my first 5k today!  Outside, no buttons on a treadmill to keep my pace, just me.  I know it's only 3.1 miles, but HELLO?!  I never thought I'd see the day.  I have to give myself the silent clap in my head - or maybe even the arena full of screaming fans - either way I'm impressed with myself.  Hopefully this can be a new "thing" of mine, and the idea of being a runner won't just fall somewhere into the black hole that is my mind.



PS. my little tomato project was kind of a goal, looking back on it.  Now I'm just crossing my fingers I won't kill them once they get the boot outside.